TL;DR: I have so many choices and options that my brain has ripped itself to shreds like pulled pork. There are more issues but this is the big big one.

Firstly i wanna say thank you for reading this nonsense and i hope i can properly explain why i’ve slowed down so much and the source of this extended period of artistic burn out.

So I have always had a problem with too many options. Even since day one back in 2016 (oh fuck my bones hurt) where my ONLY option was using models from dota 2. Even then I still had a silly amount of trouble deciding on which character to pick. Quick example would be to say.

Do I have this oral animation of crystal maiden be with Legion commander and be more aggressive, or with enchantress and be more loving?

Making both is an option of course. But feels a lil iffy making 2 oral animations with the exact same pose, back to back. AND LORD KNOWS it’s never just the two. Back then it was fairly simple to just choose someone and run with the idea.

Now-a-days…..Not so much. With time I've picked up all sorts of models and things that my grubby, magpie-like hands have managed to snatch. Some of which I've actually paid a pretty penny to get, and thus weighing the cost to “have i used this character enough to make that purchase worth it” ON TOP of all the other stuff. PLUS characters and games i haven't touched in a while (I’m sorry warframe). As if I needed more things to tug on the “who to use” node of my brain.

Not to mention the experimentation when learning animation and software that naturally happens. I have like 7-10 different ways of animating the same thing, each with upsides, downsides, left and right sides. (cha-cha real smooth)

Even ones where I HAVE to use in case SFM feels like being a SPOILT LITTLE SHIT.

Back then it was only the one, and you just had to deal. But all these different methods now tug at me and it just adds onto the ache even when I've decided on the characters and have posed everything up!

Not to mention that again, my magpie like mentality of wanting to acquire anything that looks cool, has doomed me. Long long while back I made myself a lil txt doc with ideas as one does. Then I added some images for refs because hey, that pose is WICKED. Then it just grew and grew. I genuinely feel like I cannot delete it as not only does it feel like giving up on a part of myself. There are some things I really do want to create some day.

How much did it grow? Well the current number at the time of writing this is: **3,341 files ** I promised people I'd delete it. I lied in saying I did. I couldn't. And I don't think I ever can. Add that to the list of options to go off of. It's easy to just grab one from the pile (I even have a lil program that grabs one at random for me) but that circles back to “Hmmmm which characters do I use”. If I wanted to not think about it I just used the exact same characters as the image itself had, The Yordle cock being a prime example.

Things did get better for a while when I started doing bigger projects. Not only did I WANT to do bigger stuff, it limited me to only a few characters. In a sense of “Okay you now have a focused story that you can do” Still had some trouble here and there with character selection but that problem was effectively hamstrung based on what project it was.

Until it wasn't.

Just like with the giant list of refs, I now have a growing list of bigger projects I want to do. Not to mention all the other options that go with bigger projects as well such as voice actors. ( At one point, I paid several VA’s to do impersonations of nearly all female league characters just to see who would fit the best as who, without any intention of using the lines in any project. God that was stupid )

Same thing is happening with bella. For a while it was great but the idea’s kept piling on and the choices along with ‘em. And the reason why i can’t lock into just one character is because one character can NOT fit into all animations. Lillia cannot perform self suck without a potion of “dongus so longus it makes it looks like she’s about to make a balloon animal with that thingus”

This sort of choice paralysis even affects me outside of my creative endeavors. Like with magic the gathering is especially bad since I want to make all the things. The power level at the store is also SO GOD DAMN HIGH, the process of mixing the wacky goofy stuff with actual good stuff is burning me out on top of everything else (seriously even in a casual “for fun’ commander games, some people just whip out full on, eldrazi “win on turn 3” decks)

The reason I've come to this revelation of why I feel so burnt out was because of MTG. So i guess thank you guy who repeatedly fucks my ass with 50 million goblins ( staring krenko ).

Trying to get into drawing or pixel art wouldn't help this either. There would be a time where it would but the underlying problem of “who do i give a fat cock this time” is still there. The creative soup of my mind feels so thinned that I wouldn't even call this flavoured water upon taking a quick sippy.

Taking a break from making stuff doesn't help either. Unironically the time where I've felt the best about my art is when I’ve limited myself to one character and just yelled at my friends out of nowhere. Asking them to give me a character and pose and I just go.

I am at a loss of what to do. All of this is just draining and I genuinely do not know how I dig myself out of this. My creative energy is so zapped that the last two animations i did (bella campfire and neeko on big soraka dong) i had to force myself though. Probs the reason why the argonian series and the “quest board” died as well. Started focused but it got so muddy.

So I guess this is kind of a cry for help? If nothing else I can get this off my chest/reflect on the problem more, since now I properly know what the issue is. There’ve been so many times where I thought I was done and quit forever but nope. I DO want to keep making stuff.

How can an indecisive person firmly choose when there are hundreds of options, with countless variations to that choice. God I'm glad i didn't start as a 2d artist otherwise this would be sooooooo much worse.Like i think i’d be dead.

Alright. Enough sad boi posting.

Hope y’all have a good day and again, thank you for reading these deranged ramblings of an artist who likes to put dicks on chicks. I don’t know what happens from here but I ain't giving up just yet.