Got a call about my NHS gender referral… turns out it was to ask me if I can LEAVE the waiting list as they have almost 4000 people waiting. After 5 years, about ready to give up on ever being me. Inspired an impsona though. They framed it as “we’re checking to see if you want to stay on the list.” And then directed me to a webpage without telling me more. I can see why they didn’t want to explain over the phone because all I could do was sob at the screen. It turns out, no one new has been seen at my clinic for 7 years… so I’ve got at least another 2 years before they’d even consider me for hormones or surgery. They’re going through the list trying to get people taken off to reduce the load. For context, I am 31 and on half minimum wage with no financial support from family. I’m chronically ill with fibromyalgia so attempts to get better paid work have been fruitless so far. I finally got diagnosed in May 23' and have been cleared for hormones but there's little hope of me ever having the money for everything else, especially top surgery which will be 8-12,000… but life saving. My chest dysphoria causes me panic attacks, meltdowns and depression. I often cancel plans after breaking down crying in front of my mirror because it’s so overwhelming. Anyway I never went into much detail about this before and had to get a vent out today after that call. It’s awful feeling so trapped. If you got this far, I guess I’ll leave this in case anyone particularly wants to help. https://ko-fi.com/ponderland